tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
