when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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