I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
