Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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