He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
