I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
