Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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