Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?