I think my fart just growled at me.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.