Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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