i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
