O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
