If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
