I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
