Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
