i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
