And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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