The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
