Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
