its not stalking. its research.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
