that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
