Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
