we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
