Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just tell him i said nine months
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
