i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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