she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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