Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
