Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
