I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
