And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
