cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
