You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
