my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
