well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
