he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
