currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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