Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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