Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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