I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
