gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
