What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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