I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
