That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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