I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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