Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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