This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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