Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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