Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
