I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
