I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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