I am puke
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
