you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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