just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
