You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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