I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
