i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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