The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
