I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
