wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
