sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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