I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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